|
PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES
C:
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++:
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot.
Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are
bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over
there."
FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in
the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have
no exception-handling ability.
Modula-2:
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot
yourself in the head.
COBOL:
USEing a COLT-45-HAND-GUN, AIM gun at LEG-FOOT, THEN place ARM-HAND-FINGER on
HAND-GUN-TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HAND-GUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace
needs to be retied.
LISP:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself
in the appendage which holds....
BASIC:
Shoot yourself in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body
is waterlogged.
FORTH:
Foot in yourself shoot.
APL:
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer
characters.
Pascal:
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
SNOBOL:
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right
foot.
Concurrent Euclid:
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
Hypertalk:
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif:
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the
intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to
pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
UNIX:
% is foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm: .o: No such file or directory % ls %
XBase:
Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to
use Clipper.
Paradox:
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot; your users can, too.
Revelation:
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these
bullets are for.
Visual Basic:
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't
care.
Prolog:
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do
it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL:
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be
shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
| 